Entertaining Quotes on Money and Investing

Investing is a serious endeavor, but that doesn’t mean the most fundamental ideas about investing cannot be expressed in an humorous way. So here’s a selection of witty wisdom pearls…


“How many millionaires do you know who have become wealthy by investing in savings accounts? I rest my case.” — Robert G. Allen

“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells.” — J. Paul Getty

“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” — Mark Twain

“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.” — George Carlin

“If stock markets experts were so expert, they would be buying stocks, not selling advice.” — Norman R. Augustine

“The broker said the stock was “poised to move.” Silly me, I thought he meant up.” ― Randy Thurman

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

“If you see a bandwagon, it’s too late.” — James Goldsmith

“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.” — Nick Arnette


“A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.” — Robert Frost

“I want to have a kid the way other people want to own stock in Google: I don’t want to be responsible for it; I just want to go to parties and talk about how well it’s doing.” — Unknown

“Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it in, and the politicians take it out.” — Will Rogers

“I wish that dear Karl could have spent more time acquiring capital instead of merely writing about it.” — Jenny Marx

“As a novelist, I tell stories and people give me money. Then financial planners tell me stories and I give them money.” — Martin Cruz Smith

“If it isn’t the sheriff, it’s the finance company; I’ve got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.” — John Barrymore

“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” — Paula Poundstone

“How come you never see a headline like “Psychic Wins Lottery”?” — Jay Leno

“People tend to think that numbers are quite objective, but numbers in economics are not like this. Some economists say they’re like sausages: you don’t know what they really are until you cut into them.” — Ha-Joon Chang

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